No Shame

I have been feeling a bit bogged down recently, so I think it might be therapeutic to get just a few things off of my chest...

• I hereby consider Diet Pepsi and potato chips an acceptable morning snack
• It normally takes me a few iterations to figure out what I want to wear and even though it bothers future hubs that I do this, I am probably not going to change that habit anytime soon.
• No matter how hard I try, my hair will never grow as long or be as fabulous as Hollywood Hair Barbie's and I hate her for it.

(yeah, keep smiling b*tch...)
• I cannot wait to be rid of this demon, hell-kitty we have been babysitting for the past 2 weeks

Careful! Don't look evil straight in the eyes.

• But secretly sometimes I find the kitty to be more cute and funny than annoying. (Shhh! Don't tell the future hubs)
• Having a daily makeup regimen is overrated. Just rocking tinted minty lip gloss is underrated.

• My cupcake frosting skills are sub par at best and I am insanely jealous of all bakers that can get their frosting to look like a sweet fluffy cloud of heaven resting ontop of a moist cakey hill.

• Blog stalking is the highlight of my pre-work morning
• When I check myself out in the mirror, I totally "suck it in and stick'em out"
• I am super nervous about my upcoming wedding...not about the whole life-long commitment thing, but all the other crap about the day.  Like everything going smoothly, family getting along, and everyone having a good time.
• I spent time googling to find Eric from True Blood in his blue sweater, but was completely disappointed by the results.

It looked way hotter in my head.

• 
  
  We've had an Arabic pop song stuck in our heads for months.  Future Hubs asked one of our Qatari friends if he recognized the song and literally sang to him: "something, something, HABIIIIIBI".  Our friend looks at him in disbelief and goes, "Seriously?? You realize that pretty much EVERY Arabic pop song has the word 'habibi' in it.  It's equivalent to me asking you about an American song with the word 'Baby' or 'Shortie' in it."  I almost peed my pants laughing.  With the help of google, we found it: Ella Habibi and have been playing it on repeat ever since.
• 
  
  Bullet points rock my socks off.  If I could only talk in bullet points in real life I would.  Top ten lists; however, are totally lame.
• The end.

FAIL

4:30 AM, the alarm goes off. 

The future hubs has to go into work super early for a meeting.

Wearily, he drags his butt out of bed and resets the alarm an 1 hour later (5:30 AM) for me to get up.  We only have one car since circumstances do not necessitate the need for two, so I arranged to catch a ride at the normal time with a coworker.

Future hubs showers, gets ready, kisses me goodbye, and leaves for work.

Meanwhile, I am somewhere between blissfully dreaming and awake.

RING, RING, RING.

I wake up to the sound of my phone ringing and shoot out of bed.  I look at the clock and it says 7:50 AM. 

SHIT. (please excuse my french)

I answer the phone and it is my ride calling.  He is frantic.

"KP, are you ok? You don't sound good. Where are you?!"

I tell him that I just woke up and I realize that it is not really 7:50, but it is 6:50AM.  He has called me about 10 times and I've made him late for work. (Bummer)  I told him I am so sorry and to leave without me since there is no way I am walking out the door in less than 5 minutes.

Turns out the future hubs turned the whole clock forward an hour, instead of the alarm. 

Awesome. 

And now I am totally stranded. (Have I mentioned I live in an apartment complex with mostly coworkers? Which does me no good because they are all already at work).

I try to call the future hubs.

The call goes straight to random Arabic message. BAHH. (I hate when that happens)

I quickly get dressed and try calling again. I get the Arabic message.

Make my lunch. Call. Flipping Arabic message.

I throw my phone angrily (and magically in slow motion for effect) onto the bed.  I really hate that Arabic message.

I decide to call one last time before I start walking and trying catch a cab, but as you can imagine at 120 degrees F that is not a very good option.

I dial his number. 

AND. IT. RINGS. thankyoujesus. 

Long story short, I make him leave work to come and get me (hey it was his fault!) and I only manage to be an hour and a half late.

BIG FAT FAIL.  THE END.

I may have just spent our entire life savings on shoes...

SHHHH. DON'T TELL THE FUTURE HUSBAND.

ok, well I did not really spend our entire life savings on shoes.

More like if you summed up the amount of money I've spent on shoes my entire life and compared it to this one Zappos shopping cart I just bought, this would probably be more. (ok that is a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the point.)

Basically, I placed every shoe I liked on the website into my shopping cart and hit checkout.

Can someone please explain to me why gorgeous shoes have to be so flipping expensive?

Now before you start judging and calling my mom to tell her I've gone crazy with a Carrie Bradshaw complex and need immediate psychiatric treatment; let me explain...

• 
  
  I have no self control
• 
  
  
• 
  
  my feet were depressed and needed a pick-me-up
• 
  
  
• 
  
  money for food? Ha! I can live on shoes and love alone!
• 
  
  
• 
  
  Work was really boring today
• 
  
  

• 
  
  So pretty, pretty, prettyyyyyy
• 
  
  
• 
  
  Sex & the City 2 fever compelled me to do it

Still think I am certifiably crazy???  Don't worry, the above list is a JOKE. (cough, sort of)

Truth be told, while I did spend a decent chunk of change on the lovilies shown above; sadly, I will only be keeping 2 pairs to call as my own. That is if everything works out as planned.  The first four are potential wedding shoes.  I will hopefully be selecting one of these based on fit, comfort, and how it looks with the dress.  Of course, the pair I love the most (based on appearance) costs the most. Figures.  The last pair is a set of heels that has been elluding me for an entire year....I've tried on at least 50 pairs of nude pumps to-date and still have not found a winner (I am a bit picky).  I am hoping these will finally end my quest.  The reason I mass ordered online is because Zappos does not ship to Qatar and I will soon be home in NJ for a week so this is my only chance.

Hopefully I can keep the credit card bill a secret until then.

UPDATE: Future hubs saw the e-mail receipt for my purchases (damn, forgot about that) and the following Microsoft Communicator IM conversation ensued:

Hubs, Future [5:21 PM]: hey

Hubs, Future  [5:21 PM]: shoe shopper

KP [5:23 PM]: um, hey babe...whats up?

Hubs, Future [5:24 PM]: you picking me up?

Hubs, Future [5:24 PM]: or did you have to sell the car to pay for those shoes?

BUSTED.

Little Known Fact

Little known fact: I have an extremely small head.

Fortunately, I don't think I am one of those people whose body looks disproportionate to their headsize (now if i shaved my head, it might be a different story). But this tidbit has been fodder for an endless amount of jokes from my future husband (what.a.guy) since the moment he discovered I was "cranially challenged". 

For example:

Last weekend after my cycling accident I had a CT scan of my head taken to make sure everything was OK.  This produced two X-ray type films; one of just my skull and the other of my brain.  He found it hilarious to show me (and our friends who came over for lunch later in the day) the one of my "empty" skull and say, "see, I knew your (her) head was too small to fit a brain! This explains so much!" and so on.  Brutal.  Not the teasing (because it is typically in a playful, loving way), but the quality of the jokes, can we say lame?! (sorry babe, love you!)

Anyway, having a small head has always been a bit of a challenge for me when it comes to buying hats, headbands, and/or any other sort of headwear.  For hats I typically have to wear the adjustable kind, strapped to the smallest setting or an extra small fitted size.  One-size-fits-all? Um, LIES. Not this little head. 

Typically, I am not bothered or embarrassed by the fact my head is so small...although yesterday was an exception.  Due to my accident I had to replace my helmet.  For those of you that don't know, I live in the Middle East and it is not always easy to find things you want/need.  Especially when it comes to sports and fitness type supplies, food, and equipment (with the exception of soccer gear).  There is a surprisingly decent sized cycling/mtb community here; however, there is only one real store in the entire country that supplies to our needs.  While they do carry some essentials; it is a small store with pretty limited offerings and brand varieties. 

So anyway, we went down there to find me an interim replacement helmet.  I am going to buy a light-weight racing helmet when I go back to the states in July but I need one in the mean time so I can still ride.  They only had a couple to choose from and the salesman starts off by handing me a medium sized helmet; I try to tell him that a medium will be too big but he insists it is adjustable and will fit.  I try it on and crank it down to the smallest setting and low and behold, the helmet is not even close to fitting.  "Oh, I see," says the salesman.  He tells me he needs to go into the back and see if they have any smalls available.  After a few minutes of searching he finds one.  I try it on, crank it down, and it still does not fit.  He hands me a "universal size" helmet which can adjust to a smaller circumference than the small and still, no luck.  At this point the future hubs starts laughing and hands me this:

The Trek "Little Dipper" helmet, designed for small children.  After a bit of coercing, I put it on just to humor him...I was able to get it on my head, but it did not fit properly because it was not deep enough (thank god). But, I was still able to get my head into it, which was enough to cause the future hubs to go into hysterics.  Even the salesman was laughing at me as he said, "Ok, I see what you need. This will work," and hands me the following:

It is a Trek Youth "Vapor" helmet and of course it fit, PERFECTLY.  The future hubs starts telling the salesman, "Great, we will take it!"  Um, future hubs, Seriously?! Are you kidding?! I am sorry but, really?!?!  I would rather not ride my bike then get caught wearing this thing...it screams 12 year old girl! Honestly, while having a small head is one thing, I don't think the whole world needs to know that I wear helmets designed for pre-pubescent children.  Especially when I am trying to intimidate the competition during a race. Yeah, not happening.  I plead desperately to the salesman, "Do you have this in any other color?? PLEASE, ANYTHING ELSE."  He looks over the helmets on display and says he needs to go check in the back.  The future hubs shoots me the looks that says, "Are you really going to be such a fashion diva? It is just a helmet." Um, YES and I am quite sure you wouldn't be caught dead wearing something like that while out training with the Terminator and Mr. German National because they would never let you hear the end of it.

After a few minutes the salesman comes out from the back with this (the very last one):

Ok, now this is something me and my tiny head can live with.

ok seriously i have a problem

I was eating cake yet AGAIN in my dreams last night. 

I dreamt that I was tasting wedding cake and settled on the following flavors (each in their own tier):

• Double Chocolate with Chocolate Mousse
• Apple Pie Cake
• Tiramasu
• Funfetti with brownie bites

And I could totally taste every bite I took.  Seriously.  How ridiculous (slash kind of delicious) does that cake sound?  Who dreams with that kind of crazy detail?? ABOUT CAKE??

I.HAVE.A.PROBLEM.

(darn it and now I want a slice of cake!)

the battle is on

I like to think that I am "normal" (we all know that is far from the truth, but humor me here please) and that I am just like every other bride-to-be in the fact that I would like to look my absolute best on the day I walk down the aisle.  For some brides their "absolute best" means full out makeover and crazy weight-loss while for others it simply means keeping in shape/toning up and maintaining a good beauty regime. 

I would say I fall somewhere towards the latter (although my hair is beyond dire need for a trip to the salon...its been over 6 months since I've been..I blame the middle east, but that's another story!).  The latter being that I'd like to stay in shape and while it would be cool to lose a few LBs, it is not the end of the world if I don't. 

That being said, there is something I need to admit:

 I've been on a RIDICULOUS chocolate & cheese filled binge for the past 2 weeks. 

I.CANNOT.CONTROL.MYSELF.

And ladies, if I keep up at this rate, things are going to go south real fast.  AKA my whole body is going to explode into one huge pustule of fat.  I will go from the bride who looks like this:

To one who looks like this:

No, seriously.  Thank god my hobbies are predominately sports related - otherwise I'd been in major trouble.  So anyway, all day I have been CRAVING (to the point I can almost taste it and I'm drooling) a chocolate muffin from the canteen at my jobsite.  I don't know what they heck they put in them, but they are GOOD and I crave them (and usually succumb to my craving) all the time.  But today, I put my foot down.  Enough is enough!  I've got a wedding dress to rock in less than 5 months! 

And guess what?! I've made it through the ENTIRE day without having the chocolate muffin or any other of the chocolate/cookie/junk food treats that can be found lurking around trying to steer my off course in the office.  I went head to head with evil old temptation and won!  It was a hard battle but today I was victorious!  Hell, I think I deserve a reward for being so good....don't you???

I'm thinking a cupcake.

homesick

living halfway across the world

is an exciting adventure.

a fortunate experience

for two best friends to share

together.

in one another

we have found a home, our home

no matter where we go.

but some days

i just

miss our

other home.

the one we've left behind.

the one that houses

all of our friends

and our family

who are not here with us.

they say

home is where the heart is;

and today my heart

is not here with me

it is home with you.

iWedding

I had yet ANOTHER frustrating wedding dream last night.  I am quite sure my subconscious is trying to tell me something...and that message is "iPhones are evil". (Say what?!?) 

You are probably thinking: "What on earth does an iPhone have to do with a wedding?!?"

According to my dreams, apparently A LOT. 

Which is weird because I don't even own an iPhone...

but in my dreams I do and it causes me nothing but trouble.

I am either getting bad news called to me on it or I can't get in contact with/lost the number of a vendor/bridesmaid/future husband.  In one dream I had all the music for the wedding saved on the iPhone and somehow it all got erased and replaced with a track of Halloween sound effects (random, I know). 

Well, last night I dreamt that it was an hour before the walk down the aisle and my hairstylist was MIA.   Frantically, I am trying to get in contact with her, but my evil iPhone would not let me access her number.  I kept scrolling through my contacts and it would just keep scrolling right past her name and not stop. I would get extremely close, but not close enough to click on her name and call her.  I tried looking her up on the mobile internet, but the server was not working.  So then finally, I decided to ride my bike (in my wedding dress of course) over to her house.  Once I get there we settle everything and I sit down in a chair and she asks me how I want my hair done.  I am all, "I have pictures saved on my iPhone that I can show you!  I want my hair exactly like this one picture I have! It's going to be soooo awesome!"  And, the evil iPhone strikes again...it won't let me find the iPhoto app.  I keep sorting through the screen with all the apps and I just can't find it.  When I finally do find it, I keep hitting the wrong button...like I just can't quite seem to hit the screen in the right location to open it.  But none-the-less, my wedding is quickly approaching and I keep trying until after what feels like an eternity I lose all of my patience, throw the phone on the floor, and stomp on it until it breaks into a million tiny pieces.  At this point I woke up sweating and to my alarm clock blaring.  All I could think at that moment was "I am NEVER buying an iPhone!" Haha, seriously.

I have no idea why the iPhone is a reoccuring demon in my dreams.  I understand why I may be having dreams about things going wrong with my upcoming wedding...but I really just want to know, "why iPhone, why must you torment me so?!"

On a side note: Are there any other brides-to-be or newlyweds out there that have experienced wedding nightmares?  Or is it just me (crazy KP with her overly active imagination)?

Tricked, Fooled, Conned ... A Sports Story

Did I ever tell you guys about the time I got tricked into running a marathon?


Yes, that is right; I was fooled into completeing 26.4 miles of self-inflicted physical and mental abuse.


I am pretty sure I have mentioned I ran the Dubai Marathon in January, but what I failed to explain was how this feat ended up being added to my list of "Life Achievements". (And yes, I have contemplated puting my marathon victory on my resume under "skills", haha)


Clearly, I got tricked into this because no one in their right mind decides to train for a marathon only 13 weeks before it (with Christmas & New Years falling square in the middle), in the HOT Middle Eastern desert, in a city that only has 2 safe places to run long distances.  But alas, I am a sucker and a fool.

It all started with an e-mail suggesting that it would be fun to go over to Dubai for a weekend getaway and while we were there run the 10K race that was being held in conjuction to the marathon.  Somehow this fun suggestion snowballed into a "who is the bigger idiot man" competition where 20 of my coworkers (including the fiance' and myself) were peer-pressured into running the marathon.  We even paid 80 USD for the awesome pleasure of torturing ourselves.

To be honest, the idea of running and training for a marathon did not seem *too bad* when supposedly 20 other people would be there to support you through the duration of training and during the actual race.  However, as the weeks went by more and more people hung up their running shoes.  By the time race day came only 4 (myself and the fiance' included) of us actually made it to the starting line and only 3 crossed the finish. 

And let me tell you...running a marathon is no joke.  I mean you hear the word marathon and you think "yeah, that sounds tough," but really you have NO IDEA until you actually run one.  Of course, I was completely fooled & under prepared.  I ran the first half of the marathon in 2 hours (a decent pace) and was having a good time.  It felt pretty good and I was enjoying seeing Dubai for the first time.  The problem is, in my limited amount of training, I never ran more than half a marathon distance. BIG MISTAKE.  I had no flipping clue what I was up against because the second half of the marathon was not only hard, but it was HOT (we are talking nearly 100 degrees).  So hot that I was pouring an entire bottle of water over myself at every 1.5 mile water station.  And the last 6 miles were BRUTAL.  I was on the verge of emotional hysteria by the time I reached the finish; bursting into full on tears as I crossed because I seriously did not think I was going to make it.  Afterwards I vowed that I would NEVER run another marathon again.  Been.There.Done.That.

Here I am in all my marathoning glory (totally beating the cr*p out of that fit looking dude)

But here is the awful truth: the further I get away from the experience, the more I find myself contemplating attempting another one or maybe something more....  I keep thinking, "I could have run that faster" or "I can do it without crying".  And there I go now fooling myself into more physical punishment.  Which, the point to my story being I have now been CONNED, yes, conned into completing a HALF IRONMAN.

WTF, KP!?!?

I know guys! I know.  But it's not my fault!  I swear. (ok, maybe a little bit my fault)  So basically, after recovering from the marathon I have been thinking all sorts of crazy things.  For some reason I now believe I am part super-human, perhaps?  I don't know.  But what I do know is that I have this super cool cycling friend (who the fiance' picked up for me one night - that is another story though) M from Australia who is super awesome and also a triathlete and she convinced me that I can be one too.  I currently cycle between 50-80 miles a week (if not more), I have got the running thing down (thank you marathon)and I used to swim competitively in High School - so I figured I could definitely do a Sprint triathlon (750 m swim, 20 km bike, 5 km run) or with a bit training an Olympic triathlon (1.5 km swim, 40 km ride, 10 km run) no sweat.  But she flipping signed me up for a Half Ironman (1.9 km swim, 90 km ride, 21.1 km run aka The Long Course)! See?? I totally got conned!

So here I go again - signing up for more self inflicted physical and mental abuse.  Seriously, I should probably get my head checked.

Confession

I spent most of this morning prior to work and today at lunch look at PORN.

Ahem, porn of the shoe variety, that is.

Have you been to Zappos??  It is literally a shoe-addicts heaven.  You can browse thousands of shoes in just a few clicks and sort them all by type, color, brand, heel height, etc.  Then once you have found a pair (or 20) that suits your fancy, you can look at in high definition from 7 different angles and zoomed in.  Seriously, I am telling you; it's shoe porn.

And yes, I DO need to see the shoes from ALL 7 angles and the zoomed in close up shot!  That is the BEST feature of the site in my opinion.  I can't tell you how frustrating it is to be shopping online and not get to see a good view of a product from multiple angles.  Especially when it comes to shoes!  (Can I get a "Hell Yes!"?) I also like when websites give you suggestions of other shoes or items you might like based on the ones you are looking at...and I am like a moth to a flame...or a fat kid to a cookie jar (yeah I am definitely most like the fat kid to the cookie jar)...I am addicted and am continually finding the next swoon-worthy pair of shoes I wish I owned. (Meanwhile the fiance is having a minor heart attack at the thought)

And since I am such a good blog friend, I am going to share some of my porn with you (because really, that is what friends do!):

I am totally loving the thick, around-the-ankle-strap right now and I am in search of the perfect pair to add to my closet. Also, if you can't tell I am still floundering over the whole wedding shoe thing.  My heart aches for those Badgley Mischka's, but I have decided I don't want to do white with ivory.  I am toying around with other options of gold or silver...but I am not entirely sold on the idea.  I also found these Martino Valero petal sandals that have stolen my heart a bit too.  The thing is, I am having an outdoor wedding so heels are not the best choice of footwear...but I simply cannot find a pair of wedges or flat sandals that have the same kind of whimsy or romance as the Badgley's or the Valeros.  I found these other sandals on Style Me Pretty, but they are gold...and again, not sure I am sold on the idea. 

I am secretly hoping for a fairy godmother to appear and bestow upon me my "glass slipper", aka my perfect wedding shoe.  But until then, I will just be stuck sorting through endless amounts of shoe-porn.  It's a tough job, but someone has got to do it ;-)