Dear Society - Here are Some Cliff Notes For You

1. It is NEVER acceptable to ask a woman if she is pregnant, unless the following is true:

• You are her husband and/or "partner" and you might have had an "accident" - and even then, fair warning: tread lightly.
• Your best friend unexpectedly stops agreeing to celebrate your friendship with adult libations when you get together (because obviously the only reason she would stop is if she was pregnant)
• You are a doctor/gyno and it is literally your job to ask the question

2.  It is NOT appropriate to tell a woman she has put on weight nor ask a woman if she has put on weight- even if she has clearly been having a love affair with deep fried chicken & chocolate bars and has put on 100 pounds...it is not acceptable AND there is no exception to this rule.

3. It is however, very encouraged to tell a woman that she looks like she has lost weight.

4.  It is not OK to ask a woman if she is on her period or make a smart comment about it being "her time of the month," excluding the following exceptions:

• You are her husband and/or "partner" and you want to get it on.   But at the same time it is NOT acceptable if you are asking because she is being "moody" or a "bitch" - in that case the only person you will be getting it on with is yourself
• Again, you are a doctor/gyno

5. It is also not acceptable to ask a married woman why she does not have kids

• nor follow up with telling her that she needs to hurry up and start popping out babies ASAP
• nor ask her how old she is

6. DO NOT ASK A WOMAN HOW OLD SHE IS

• note to the reader: notice the use of the word WOMAN...not girl - and if you can't tell the difference, well then you have got much bigger problems.

7. All of the above rules should be adhered to, especially in the work environment & when directing it to a female colleague or business associate that you only know on a professional basis.

• Furthermore, asking or saying any of the above at 7am, in 110 degree heat, on a construction site in the Middle East is HIGHLY DISCOURAGED - and you will have to suffer the consequences.

Kind Regards,

KP

P.S. - My job is awesome (cliff note to the cliff notes - this last comment was sarcastic)