"When I get sad, I just stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story." - How I Met Your Mother


Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Dear Society - Here are Some Cliff Notes For You

1. It is NEVER acceptable to ask a woman if she is pregnant, unless the following is true:
  • You are her husband and/or "partner" and you might have had an "accident" - and even then, fair warning: tread lightly.
  • Your best friend unexpectedly stops agreeing to celebrate your friendship with adult libations when you get together (because obviously the only reason she would stop is if she was pregnant)
  • You are a doctor/gyno and it is literally your job to ask the question
2.  It is NOT appropriate to tell a woman she has put on weight nor ask a woman if she has put on weight- even if she has clearly been having a love affair with deep fried chicken & chocolate bars and has put on 100 pounds...it is not acceptable AND there is no exception to this rule.

3. It is however, very encouraged to tell a woman that she looks like she has lost weight.

4.  It is not OK to ask a woman if she is on her period or make a smart comment about it being "her time of the month," excluding the following exceptions:
  • You are her husband and/or "partner" and you want to get it on.   But at the same time it is NOT acceptable if you are asking because she is being "moody" or a "bitch" - in that case the only person you will be getting it on with is yourself
  • Again, you are a doctor/gyno
5. It is also not acceptable to ask a married woman why she does not have kids
  • nor follow up with telling her that she needs to hurry up and start popping out babies ASAP
  • nor ask her how old she is
  • note to the reader: notice the use of the word WOMAN...not girl - and if you can't tell the difference, well then you have got much bigger problems.
7. All of the above rules should be adhered to, especially in the work environment & when directing it to a female colleague or business associate that you only know on a professional basis.
  • Furthermore, asking or saying any of the above at 7am, in 110 degree heat, on a construction site in the Middle East is HIGHLY DISCOURAGED - and you will have to suffer the consequences.
Kind Regards,


P.S. - My job is awesome (cliff note to the cliff notes - this last comment was sarcastic)

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