"When I get sad, I just stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story." - How I Met Your Mother


Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Hello, My Name is KP and I am an Addict

Seriously, look at these little guys.  How could you not want to devour them by the handfull??

I blame Pepperidge Farm's brillant advertising scheme for the start of my addiction.  Recall the jingle, "I love the fishes cuz they're so delicious," particularly the line "I can eat them everyday, and my mom says that's ok!"  See, right there is the problem.  Subconsciously I am being told that I must eat them everyday because MOM says so.  Obviously, my Mom rocks so I do whatever she says. (even though SHE never really said that. See how crafty those advertising folks are?!)

Next I blame Pepperidge Farm bakers for making such a wonderfully scrumptious bite sized snack.  Each fish is the perfect amount of salty, cheesy, and crunchy that keeps me going back for more.  And by more I mean I polished off an entire bag (7 servings) in just 2 days at work. I.JUST.COULD.NOT.STOP.  
And, I have to admit, this is not the first time.  You would think I would just stop buying them and be done with it; but I can't!  Everytime I pass them in the aisle I go through the same mental conversation:

KP: I really need a mid-afternoon snack to get me through the day at work especially since I run, bike, or do yoga before having dinner.
KP Inner Self: Don't do it.  Don't buy them.  They are evil and you WILL eat the entire bag in one sitting!
KP: But they are all natural! And I DO have self control!
KP Inner Self:  Self control?! BAHAHAHAH! Right.
KP:  And one serving of 50 crackers is only 140 calories! Talk about bang for your buck!
KP Inner Self:  Seriously, only 140 calories?!  Wow, that is a perfect snack.
KP: ANDDDD Mom says it's OK.
KP Inner Self: Shit, well if Mom says so then go for it! And they are flippin delicious.

And there they go, right into my cart.  I swear to myself that I will only have one serving a day, but inevitably I devour an entire bag in record time.  Thus, the vicious cycle of substance abuse starts all over.  I've tried leaving the bag at home and just bringing one serving with me to work; however, I always run into a morning where I am running late and end up just grabbing the entire bag.  So I've decided that I have to quit.  AND I am going to have to go COLD TURKEY because obviously I cannot control myself.

So my dear mouth-watering, salty, delicious fishy friends, I say goodbye.  You are too awesomely addictive for your own good.  Go on your smiling fishy way, you will be fine without me and I better off without you.  I would love to remain friends, but I think in this case it would just hurt too much.  So from now on I will be sending the fiance' to go grocery shopping so we can avoid the heartache of the awkward post-breakup confrontation.  Oh yeah, and it's not you, it's me...and other stuff like that.
xoxox KP

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